Monday, December 13, 2010


I know it's been awhile since I have posted here. To say I have been busy is a cop-out I know, but it's true. Tonight I am just going to highlight a few things here and spare everyone the details. Most of you know what has been going on in my life anyway, so why rehash it all here?

The biggest update is that my second knee replacement has been scheduled for Monday, January 17, 2011. That is five weeks away. I am excited, but still a little nervous. Not nearly as nervous as the last time. At least this time I know what to expect and am much better prepared. I'm looking forward to getting it done and doing the physical therapy and occupational therapy. Yes I know I am a bit strange seeing as how I like doing those painful exercises. But it makes me better and it's worth it. Knowing what I know now, I want to have my therapists work me even harder than they did the last time. I am expecting to walk out of that nursing home without even the assistance of my cane this time!

Back in April 2007 when I lost my job due to my disabilities, I was afraid and didn't know what was ahead for me. I'd come out of a homeless situation, living at a woman's shelter for 9 months, then finally able to start over in a home of my own, only to lose my job due to health issues. What I did know was that I would not be able to go back to that shelter if I lost my home yet again. It would be physically impossible, let alone emotionally unbearable. But back then I could walk freely, still. My disabilities resulted from my chronic atrial fibrillation which left me feeling chronically exhausted, and out of breath, with angina occurring whenever I did so much as tap my toes to the beat of my favorite music. Walking very far put additional strain on me to the point that I ended up not walking much at all. By 2008 after I moved to the apartment I am in now, I ended up with a stress fracture in my right foot. Three months later I had a severely sprained ankle and heel on the left foot. By the time I healed from those injuries, I was permanently walking with crutches. In April 2007 I was walking without help. So when I got my right knee replaced in May this year and by October was walking without the help of even my cane, I was elated. I still have the arthritis. I still have the chronic atrial fibrillation. As long as I don't overdo it, I get by without the angina being a problem so much. Sometimes, however, I do still have issues with angina. I still have all the other issues that brought about my being disabled. But I can walk again without the crutches or cane. Having my left knee replaced in January is exciting for me. All the time using the crutches caused me to not have very good balance when walking. Now my balance is back again, somewhat. You still won't find me standing on a step stool, chair or anything else but the ground. You won't find me on a ladder. Getting down the steps to do my laundry is still a struggle. But being back to where I was before the crutches in 2008 makes me feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel after all. Even though I still can't walk very far without resting, or stand for very long at one time for things as simple as cooking or washing dishes or other stand up household chores, or climb up and down multiple steps easily, I can get around again. Even though I do all my kitchen work using a computer chair, lately I find myself standing up more and more to do little tasks that I haven't been able to do comfortably for the past 2 years.
Becoming disabled was devastating to me. But a lot of things have been devastating to me over the years. I'm strong with God's help. Finding myself getting weaker and losing more and more strength and abilities over time was increasingly frustrating. So having these good results from the first knee replacement makes me more than ready for the second one. Believing that I can regain some of the lost strength and endurance thrills me. I don't know if I will ever be back to what I would like to be physically. But every little bit of progress is wonderful.
Something that I am looking forward to in the spring, hopefully, is maybe to be able to get another car. God literally gave me the car I had last. When I could no longer take care of it or use it, He allowed me to give it to someone else who needed it. I am not sure God will repeat this for me. Who knows what He has in store for me? I've learned to trust Him and wait for His provision and guidance. He has never let me down yet. With everything I have been through in my life, I know one thing for sure. God has been with me every single step of the way, even when I couldn't walk on my own without the help of crutches. When I lost everything I owned and had to start over...when I became homeless twice...when other issues in life tried to get me down, God was always there to hold me up and keep me going ever forward toward whatever His goal for my life may be. Without Him, I know I would not be here now. So, if God has a car for me...or maybe even something much better than a car, I am ready to move continually forward. If you read my blogs enough you know my theme is baby steps. (Do you know I took that from the movie, What About Bob?) Losing weight--baby steps. Walking again--baby steps. Getting healthier day by day--baby steps. In my mind, whatever is not moving backwards is progress. I've been in the past. I'm not about to go back there again. God has something better for me out there and I am moving forward with Him.

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